what happened to the date

I’ve heard it all. “He waited thirty minutes to text me so I waited thirty five. He didn’t pick up so I waited until Thursday to call him back.”  “He texted ‘hey you’ instead of ‘hi you’, what does that mean?” And, that is leaving out my own over-thoughts, if you will. My head is spinning. When did things become so. . .complicated?

A dear friend recently told me she had made plans with a guy and he didn’t even show up, no call, no text, no trace. My reaction? Onto the next one. Hers? A little less forgiving: “maybe he is ….” Guys seem to think this ghosting, a recently and necessarily coined phrase by the women of today, thing is OK. In today’s instant gratification world of texting, Twitter, and Tinder, anything goes. There is not the same pressure or norm set up for guys to actually call and set up a real date.

In the words of Drew Barrymore’s irresistibly and adorably confused character in He’s Just Not That Into You, “ I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn’t. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”

Through talking to friends, feelings, oversharers on elevators, etc. etc. I have learned that many modern women face the same challenge: Limbo. You know limbo. that uncomfortable area, where either party may be paying for the next date, where you are not guaranteed a phone call, and yet you come to expect each other’s company on the regular. You’re “hanging out”. You’re “a thing” Ah, you know it well. This frustrating gray area, where it seems, that anything goes.

Now, I am no expert, and trust me, reluctantly speaking, I know the gray area well, the limbo, the waiting game, so I am not pretending to be anyone’s personal dating guidance counselor here. But  what I do know, as a strong, confident female, you deserve the best. The most out of someone, cause I have a feeling that is what you’re giving. You deserve a date. Hell, I deserve a date. A real life phone call, saying—no, praying—will you please go out to dinner with me tomorrow night?

What I am suggesting is this. Although they may be a dying breed, there are real life guys out there who will make that phone call, pick you up from your place and even pay for dinner. No need to waste time on the rest. I do not want to get into a deep seated discussion about gender roles here, but you deserve that. . . at least on the first date ;). I am suggesting why settle for “hanging out”, where it’s unsure who does what? I say every girl (and guy) deserves someone who knows for sure they want to be dating you, and yep, even call it “dating.” Don’t bother settling for anything less than that; you have too much good stuff going on!